Golf is a SIMPLE GAME
Golf Reasoning If your divot continuously travels farther than your ball, consider reading as a pastime. Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle. If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. (Jack Lemmon) To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly. Some golfers believe 'overclubbing' can be corrected by 'overlooking' or 'undercounting.' When using a caddie it can also be corrected by 'overtipping.' Tee your ball high...air offers less resistance than dirt. (Jack Nicklaus) It's not whether you win or lose...it's whether I win or lose. If you find you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the snow, even during a hurricane, here's a valuable tip: your life is in trouble. The term 'mulligan' is really a contraction of the phrase 'maul it again.' Why is it that when you tell yourself, 'don't hit it in the water' your body only seems to hear the word 'water'? A 'gimme' can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers..neither of whom can putt very well. An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it is always possible to get worse. The members who command the best service at your golf club either have the lowest handicaps or the highest bar bills. Golf is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result. (Tommy Armour) If you find yourself pleased that you locate more balls in the rough than you actually have lost, your focus is totally wrong and your personality might not be right for golf...it is also just a matter of time before the IRS investigates your business. Why is it twice as difficult to hit a ball over water than sand? You know your golf game is improving when you start missing shots much closer than you used to. The trees taunt you; the sand mocks you; the water calls your name...and they say golf is a quiet game. The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing at you. (Phyllis Diller) Golf's a hard game to figure. One day you'll go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out and, for no reason at all, you really stink. (Bob Hope) Only a stupid golfer throws his club behind him. The smart golfer throws his club ahead so he can pick it up on the way to the next hole. (Corollary: clubs don't float.) The reason it's called golf is that all the other four-letter words were already taken. (Dr. Vincent Manjoney) If you have lost more than four balls on any given hole, for safety reasons, let your partner drive the cart. If profanity had an influence on the flight of the ball, the game would be played far better than it is. (Horace Hutchinson) Golf's three ugliest words: still your shot. (Dave Marr) He who has the fastest golf cart never has a bad lie. (Mickey Mantle) Golf is like marriage: if you take yourself too seriously it won't work...and both are expensive.
The ball's got to stop somewhere. It might as well be at the bottom of the hole |
Lee Trevino (on putting) |
| At least he can't cheat on his score- because all you have to do is look back down the fairway and count the wounded. | Bob Hope |
| Nothing goes down slower than a golf handicap. | Bobby Nichols |
| Golf is the hardest game in the world. There's no way you can ever get it. Just when you think you do, the game jumps up and puts you into your place | Ben Crenshaw |
| When you play the game for fun, it's fun. When you play it for a living, it's a game of sorrows. | Gary Player |
| In golf, humiliations are the essence of the game. | Alistair Cooke |
| It's a tan like mine. It tells you the player is spending a lot of time out on the fairway and the greens--and not in the trees! | Lee Trevino |
| On the golf course, a man may be the dogged victim of inexorable fate, be struck down by an appalling stroke of tragedy, become the hereo of unbelievable melodrama, or the clown in a side-splitting comedy. | Bobby Jones |
| Thinking instead of acting is the No. One Golf Disease. | Sam Snead |
| Here, Eddie, hold the flag while I putt out. | Walter Hagen (to the Prince of Wales) |
| He plays just like a union man. He negotiates the final score. | Bob Hope (on George Meany) |
| My God, he looks like he's beating a chicken! | Byron Nelson (on Jack Lemmon's swing) |
| I never knew what top golf was like until I turned professional. Then it was too late. | Steve Melnyk |
| A round a clubhouse they'll tell you even God has to practice his putting. In fact, even Nicklaus does. | Jim Murray |
| A perfectly straight shot with a BIG CLUB is a fluke! | Jack Nicklaus |
| Golf is more fun than walking naked in a strange place, but not much. | Buddy Hackett |
| Columbus went around the world in 1492. That isn't a lot of strokes when you consider the course. | Lee Trevino |
| Miss a putt for two thousand dollars? Not likely! | Walter Hagen |
| Tiger Woods? I thought that was a golf course. | Sandy Lyle (on junior golf star Tiger Woods) |
| Golf is the only game where the worst player gets the best of it. They obtain more out of it with regard to both exercise and enjoyment. The good player gets worried over the slightest mistake, whereas the poor player makes too many mistakes to worry over them. | David Lloyd George |
| Don't hurry, don't worry....Be sure to stop and smell the flowers. | Walter Hagen |